“Many people’s sense of worth, the value they place on the image of the self, is directly related to the number of situations in which they are in control, which means that many people have a problem with their self-image, because they are in control of so little.” – Edward Hall
A doctor’s presence in his or her office is an aspect of practice that I think is too infrequently discussed. There are many elements we could consider, but here I’d like to focus on the seemingly mutually exclusive attitudes of being professional and personal. This is important because as a doctor you can easily miss the balance that best supports patient healing as well as your successful and shorter journey to the practice of your dreams.
I’ve been off target to one side or the other at various times in my 27 year career, but I believe I’ve been more consistently piercing the bull’s-eye in recent years.
Allow me to explore this concept a bit and then I’d like to hear your comments. Click on the Discussion Forum link in the Resources box to start or engage in the conversation, then look forward to our upcoming Business of Life Expert Interview with Bill Esteb as he examines some of these issues.
As doctors of chiropractic we are health care professionals. What does that mean? It means that we have great knowledge and skill and earn a livelihood in our particular healthcare field of endeavor. It also means that we are expected to know more than most people in our area of expertise and be able to teach others since the word doctor comes from the Latin meaning teacher. And yet, we are still people. We equally share a common humanity with those we seek to help. However it’s not uncommon for doctors to forget this element.
On the one hand we could attempt to maneuver people and control outcomes like the great Oz from behind the curtain (eventually revealed to simply be a man) or we could befriend and hang out like buddies with all of our patients. Or possibly there’s a more balanced way of being amongst people that’s seriously professional but deeply caring and personal, more like Mother Theresa? This middle place is also appropriately lighter and more fun, at least on occasion. Laughter does contribute to healing.
There is somewhat of an expectation that a doctor should be able to have a controlling influence over their patient’s condition and restore them back to health regardless of the degree to which they’ve drifted. Control means to have the authority or ability to regulate, direct, or dominate.
But how much control is appropriate or does a doctor truly have over another’s state of well-being? What behavioral posture does a doctor tend to take toward their patient when control becomes too much of the focus? How high is the pedestal that that orientation fosters and what does this doctor do to minimize the risk of falling down to the patient’s level?
A medical doctor friend recently told me that many of his colleagues have the attitude, not that they know everything, but that whatever they don’t know isn’t worth knowing. An arrogance that I believe flows from an excessively controlling and superior orientation toward others. Sometimes doctors may simply wish to avoid vulnerability, emotional engagement in the outcomes of their treatment, or seeing themselves as people also in need. This can appear professional and important but also cold, aloof, and uncaring. It’s clearly safer and prevents engagement.
What air is optimal for a healthcare professional? How should we be with our patients for the best relationship and outcome? What does a patient want or expect? I think that we miss that ideal much of the time.
Sometimes doctors believe it’s their job to know everything and to be in control of every situation. That’s a lot of pressure, not possible, and can lead to a god-like image that must be maintained. The public who frequently neglects their health until they find themselves in a crisis in need of a savior has tended to feed this expectation. However, what are you truly in control of? Try, not much. It took me many years to fully own this truth.
What you can control is the giving of your best in every life circumstance you find yourself in. You contribute one (relatively small sometimes) variable into the large soup pot of your patient’s lives. You get to assist when afforded the opportunity, but you never heal anyone. Healing is done only by the person themselves. That capacity is wired into their DNA. You can be a catalyst through your technical skills, loving concern, and inspiration as it helps to release their blockages to wholeness.
Patients (the people who come to receive your help) are ultimately responsible and have the most control over their health status.
I think that most people like to elevate their doctors and other professionals. They respect and admire us for what we know and how hard we’ve had to work to achieve our position. I know that to be true for most of my patients. But I also know that one very meaningful and important quality that my patients have appreciated about me is my palpable humanity. I’m real, they can feel that I care, and I’m willing to be vulnerable and transparent.
However, they’re not looking to be best friends. They would lose some respect if I didn’t maintain my authority status and I contend they wouldn’t experience the same level of healing. Their positive faith for their desired outcome would become more difficult to mobilize.
Where is the balance?
Be fully present with your patients, focused on their needs and concerns; offer your adjustments, knowledge, and inspiration with passion; be serious as the occasion requires. Maintain a position of authority as the one being consulted for your expertise, and be compassionate but don’t crawl down into the hole that you’re trying to lift them out of.
You have incredible worth, even though you’re not in control of that much. Remember the Serenity Prayer and bring love to each person you meet and have the privilege to care for.
At Synaptic Success we’re here to help you bridge that doctor-public communication gap. More people will get well and you will get to have the rewarding career of your dreams!
